The way I receive love from others most easily and most often is through quality time. And by that I mean, any amount of time in which someone is interested in me or what I have to say. When someone asks me, “How are you doing? Tell me about your day,” what I hear is, “I love you. For reals.” The second best way for me to feel loved is if someone touches me. When someone gives me a good solid hug or pats my knee, I hear, “You are one loveable person.” Now when someone rubs by back while asking, “What’s going on in your life?” they have successfully sequestered my heart.
Once a year, however, there is a day in which I need an act of service in order to really feel loved. That day is my birthday. And that act of service is a party; or at least some kind of celebration in my honor. Full body contact and ten hours of questioning about my thoughts and feelings couldn’t do for me what a party can on my birthday. So when on the day I was turning 19, my roommates brought me to a friend’s house where there were half-deflated balloons hanging on the walls from someone else’s party two days before, and was asked, “So what do you wanna do?”, I felt like crawling back in the womb.
Feeling terrible about my plight, my mom, from whom I sought sympathy, wanted to make sure I didn’t have to experience such lack again. So when my 20th was rolling around she somehow got in contact with a new friend of mine who she knew could throw a good party.
“Hey Jenna, I heard you’re the party girl.”
“Huh?”
“Well, not like that. But you know. Anyways, I was wondering if you could throw Aaron a party for his birthday that’s coming up in a month. His wasn’t too great last year.”
Jenna, thinking, “You know Aaron and I just met the other day right?” but not being able to say no to mother’s request for her pitiful son said, “Ya sure I can do that.”
She started off by finding a mutual friend to help her with the planning and went right to it gathering ideas and supplies to make this birthday of mine something to remember.
One Sunday afternoon I met her and the mutual friend on a five foot by five foot grassy area in the middle of a blue apartment complex. The grass was mostly meant for show but Jenna needed sunlight and didn’t want to sit on asphalt so this was the compromise. They were busy making the invitations, which were cut outs of pictures from newspapers. All the details for the party would go on the back side and on the picture side they’d try to write a witty caption. I picked up one Jenna had already made. It was a picture of someone inspecting a horse’s knee for injury. Her caption read, “Yep, it’s a Charlie horse”. “This girl’s a keeper,” I thought.
The day was approaching and secrecy was in the air. Since it couldn’t be a surprise party, she decided to make the theme a surprise. Every time I asked and she declined to answer it made me feel all warm inside. When the night finally rolled around I was waiting in the living room for my roommates to get ready. The party was taking place at the mutual friend’s house and the clock on the microwave was approaching seven. Dan was taking extra long to get ready upstairs. I assumed his crush would be there. Mike was in the bathroom and Luke was on the computer. 6:40. I have a high value for being on time if I can so I always leave fifteen minutes early when I’m going somewhere in Redding. When I lived in Phoenix it was thirty minutes. 6:45. Dan’s ready, Mike is ready and Luke is still on the computer. What gives?
“Hey Luke, you almost ready to go?”
“Yeah I just have to finish uploading this video.”
I had no idea what video could possibly be important enough to make us late but I could feel the 19 year-old victim of a birthday uncherished rising up in me. I thought of some guilt trips I could lay on him and was about to settle on, “Dude, this is my birthday. Can’t you finish your video later?” I’d stress the word “video” to make it obvious that it was only such and therefore nowhere near as important as what it was making us late for. 6:50. We pile in the car.
I arrived to the blue apartments finding it completely packed with mostly people I knew. The sign on the door as we walked in read, “Since Aaron is already in his second year at school and has not yet found a girlfriend, we thought we’d help ‘Chick him out’”. Inside the apartment, giant, colorful displays with baby chicks on them covered the walls. Apparently Jenna had raided the dumpster behind Target as soon as its Easter sales push was over.
I schmoozed the crowd for a while. “Heeyyyy” hug “…thanks so much for coming...I know this looks so cool huh…Oh thanks…Yeah I had no idea it was gonna to be like this.”
About twenty minutes in, Jenna gathers everyone in the living around the TV. “The boys have made a little something in honor of Aaron’s birthday.” I was surprised and eager to see what it was they could’ve made for me without me knowing. Up came a rap video they written and filmed about me turning 20. In gangster attire and beats they sang, “Yo, Aaron! That’s right! He’s dope and cool. He likes Julia Roberts but he ain’t no fool!” I was rolling, along with everyone else in the room. I thought back to just before we had left and realized that this was what was taking Luke so long. “Man I am so glad I didn’t say anything!”
After a few games of “Pin the girl on Aaron’s arm” in which blindfolded friends tried to pin pictures of girls I knew to an “X” drawn on my arm, they brought out a giant present. Everyone quieted down and I reached for the ribbon. Suddenly, Dan popped out of the box dressed like Ron Burgandy, sat on my lap with a glass of Scotch and cigarette in one hand and a microphone in the other and sang, “Happy Birthday, Mr. President”.
Gifts, ice cream Sundays, laughter and flirting came and went and the night came to a close. My heart had never been more full. As I finished talking to the last guest, I saw Jenna take off out the door. “Excuse me for a second.” I ran out after her, “Jenna!” She looked back as she opened her car door. I wanted to tell her how much it all meant to me but all that came out was “Thank you!”
“You’re welcome,” got in her car and left.
Later that night she sent me a text, “Let’s meet up. I want to do some post-party processing.” I
didn’t know what that meant but I didn't care because I wanted to be around her more. Not just for planning an amazing party for me but because I was starting to see how amazing she was.
I picked her up from her house. “Starbucks?” I asked. “I don’t like hot beverages,” she answered. “Alright then.” So we sat in my car.
She turned to me, “I just wanted to tell you the reason why I agreed to throw the party for you.”
“Ok.”
“God told me He wanted to make sure you were honored.”
My heart leaped up into my throat and my eyes got warm. I didn’t have any idea this was coming. “God wanted to honor me?”
“Yeah and so did I. Throughout the process of planning this, I feel like I’ve gotten to see who you really are and I wanted you to know that you deserve to be celebrated. Especially on your birthday.”
I didn’t know what to say. In fact I knew that if I said anything I might start crying. I couldn’t handle the love I was feeling poured out to me at that moment. Luke and Mike working for a week on the video, Dan making a fool out of himself singing, God telling Jenna to make sure I was honored and Jenna giving three weeks of her life specifically to making sure all of this happened.
When I finally able to speak I said, “Wanna get breakfast tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”
