Something I think would benefit us all is losing the idea of “there” and our subsequent need to arrive at it. “There” is an illusion to keep us moving. It’s the proverbial carrot inches, and yet infinitly, away from our grasp. We give “there” a lot of different names. Graduation, promotion, marriage, kids, career, three months wages in savings, etc. These are all masks for what we are really looking for. At the core of it all is the supposition that upon arriving “there”, we can finally be at rest. Rest is our El Dorado. Rest is our promised land. And rest has a few names of its own. Acceptance, satisfaction, peace, joy, perfection, etc. In losing the idea of needing to arrive “there”, we can finally become aware that rest is available now. My “there” used to be “ministering to people all day, everyday, everywhere”. I eventually shortened it to “ministry as my second nature”. It was the mask for my real desire: rest. Rest for me was in God’s smile.
One day I was at a friend’s house when he got into a fight with his mom. After the yelling, we decided to leave, him in a huff and me feeling extremely uncomfortable for having witnessed it all. But before he closed the door, his mom said with a mix of frustration and anger, “I love you.” I believed she meant it. And I believed God meant it when the NIV told me so. But I couldn’t shake the furled eyebrows and flat-lined lips that I believed followed His words. If it wasn’t disappointment He was feeling, it was indifference. I was sure of it. If only I could get to my “there” which looked like unending ministry, prayer, and Bible reading; because below that façade I was looking to arrive at my place of rest. His smile. His approval, acceptance and pleasure over me.
The key to separating myself from that incredibly depressing (not to mention unfruitful) state of mind and being was to first realize that my “there” was a disguise for what I really wanted. Rest. Rest was being in the center of God’s delight. Second I had to become aware that rest is available now. It’s really the difference between the Old and New Covenant. I had to separate myself from the Old Covenant (doing but never achieving; performing but never enough) and realize I live in the New Covenant (God has fulfilled, accomplished, achieved it all for me; now I can truly live in rest).
Nowadays my “there” has become “being a master counselor”. Every thought on wanting to be “there”, trying to get “there” and consequently the ways that I’m not quite “there” yet, are a waste of time. Unfruitful. What I need is to find where my rest is available now. Because it always is. Having processed it with people I love and trust, I now understand that my “becoming a master counselor” is really a mask for my needing confidence in my identity and calling. But my identity and calling is established. It was purchased, confirmed and cemented on the cross. It’s available now.
Where is there unfruitfulness in your life? What is it that you are making your “there”? And therefore, what is truly your place of rest? Remember, because we live in the New Covenant, rest is available now. With that in mind, what thoughts can you change in order to fully live in the rest that is available?
