The Coveted Cold

      I'm sitting at my kitchen table just having eaten Lucky Charms out of a coffee mug, now drinking my Organic Sunrise Blend coffee, made with a french press and with a little Italian Sweet Creme. It's overcast and raining outside. I just read a chapter from David Crowder's Praise Habit  and had to get up to put my new jacket on because all the windows are open and my long-sleeve is not sufficing. Mike used to say in first year that when winter comes around, we will leave all the windows open and just get bundled up in beanies, blankets and sweatshirts. The cold is a coveted substance in Phoenix but here in Redding, that does not last long. Sun become coveted during 18 days of rain in winter.
      I'm wearing flip flops because yesterday's mid 90's made my feet sweat. Now my feet are cold. I can smell the rain outside which has stopped falling from the clouds and is now dripping heavily off the trees. Though it won't be long before the clouds say, "My turn!" again.
      I look up, out the window, past the four staggered trees, to where the roof of the two bedroom apartments meet the gray sky and I hear God say, "See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands." I found it in Isaiah yesterday and something inside me jumped. Simply translated it's, "I just love you so much!"  At least that's how I take it.
      Jenna used to tell me before we got engaged that a diamond ring is temporary but a tattoo that says, "JENNA" is forever. "And preferably on your butt."  Probably because she knew that not only would the ink be of more permanence but she would always be reminded of the sacrifice of pain that I endured for her and that she was worth it.
      I've been engraved on the palms of His hands. A reminder born out of great sacrifice. "See," He says, "You can't erase these. They are forever. I am wholly and eternally devoted to you." 
      "Look," He says. He is not ashamed of them. He does not hide them. He shows them off.
      "See? You were so worth it."

Rose-Colored Glasses and Colored TV

      I work four days a week and rack in about 50 hours a week. It's a pretty good deal. This past week though, I put in about 90 hours because I picked up a couple shifts for other people. My wife picked up some shifts for her coworkers as well. So we could only see each other an hour or two here and there. I really missed her. It sucks not being able to see her as much as I want. Being connected is just so amazing, it's really noticeable when you get disconnected. (Disconnected in the "I haven't seen you in a while"; not the "I've seen you way too much recently")  I watched a short video of this old couple being interviewed about their relationship and the husband said, "Marriage is like color television," dating himself, "once you have it, you never want to go back to black and white."
      When Jenna and I first got married, I had a lot of single people ask me, "What's it like being married?"  Now, I'm a rose-colored glasses kind of guy. Our marriage counselors confirmed it. I rebutted, "Oh don't worry. I'm fully aware of reality." And internally, "I'm fully aware of how awesome reality is!" These glasses don't lie about how amazing and beautiful a rose is. They just distort or hide the fact that there are thorns to every rose.
      I had a friend offer to give me a hair cut once. I accepted knowing that it would work out fine and would turn out awesome regardless of the fact that she said, "Nevermind. I'm too afraid I'll screw it up. I only took one year of beauty school. I've never cut guy's hair before. Aaron, please don't make me do this."  Well in my optimistic insistence and her growing anxiety she accidentally buzzed a chunk of hair that has never been short enough to expose my scalp before. She was pretty upset and I was astounded that I wasn't looking at Brad Pitt in the mirror. On the flip side, I went to a professional shortly after and got one of the best haircuts I've ever had. (Dear single-year beautician friend, I still believe in you!)
      So needless to say i pricked my finger a few times when Jenna and I got married.

"What? You don't want to decorate our bedroom the same way I've always decorated my bedroom?"

"Why don't we have extra money like when we were single? You need nail polish? Eleven bucks!?"

"Why can't we have mashed potatoes with our pasta? What do you mean that's too many starches for one meal?"

      There are also times when you have to not say what you are thinking in order to protect your connection. There are times when you feel like withholding your love in order to get them to change their mind about something you disagree on. You can't do it. Not unless you would like to substitute your color tv for black and white.
      I considered myself to be pretty good at being selfless and communicating bravely. Well, turns out it's still hard to do both. No matter how good you are at it. So I would tell people who asked me about marriage, "It's not as easy as I thought it would be," trying not to give them my glasses and the consequent bloody fingers while foregoing the overwhelming beauty of the petals and scent.
      I've dropped that answer since then because I realized I was giving people the impression that Jenna and I were having a "hard time", which is the opposite of how I would describe our first year and a half.
      And it's funny how our relationship works. Jenna thrives on foreign-traveling, adapting-to-a-new-surrounding adventure and spontaneity while I thrive on establishing roots and stability. At times, this poses a conflict. Like when Jenna wants to move to Honduras and I want to have a baby. And at the same time its the extreme value we both place on relationship and the way we approach life that makes Honduras and babies manageable. Its in the way her adventurous heart helps me see the world as a masterpiece to be experienced and my responsibility helps her see the freedom in a budget.
      On the days when Jenna's desires conflict with mine, I have had thoughts about what it would have been like had I married someone more like me. But honestly, in that vein I've pictured myself being the "Jenna" in the relationship. Trying to bring the person that is "more like me" out of their box, and not because that box is bad but because there is just more to life than whats in that box. And it's in those moments with those thoughts that made me realize how much life Jenna brings me, even in (or especially in) our differences and how absolutely irreplaceable she is.
          Marriage is difficult. Being married to Jenna though, is easy and amazing. It's the best thing since colored television. And I would never go back.