This weekend I've had to come against a lot of fear. Fear that I'm doing this whole relationship with God wrong. That I'm losing this crazy love affair between me and Him. That I'm not doing good enough in our relationship. Fear that I'm failing. And shame as a result. But apparently Holy Spirit doesn't do fear or shame.
Here's what He told me, "Aaron I haven't given you fear, nor do I use it to manipulate you into doing what I want. I only give love and there is no fear in it. When you know my love, you won't know fear. Look at the affects my love has on people. They are free, full of life, powerful, joyful, full of peace, loving, driven and motivated. Fear can't do any of those." [maybe 'motivate' but only to move in the wrong direction]
Then He added, "I do not try to manipulate you by using guilt and shame. Those never brought true repentance, healed a broken heart, lit a passionate fire or inspired childlikeness. There is no love in guilt or shame. I'm Love. You won't find a guilt-giving look on My face nor will you feel shame in My presence. Oh ya and don't feel obligated to capitalize My pronouns."
Saturday, August 28, 2010
April 24th, 2010 - Scenes
I finished reading A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller not too long ago. I got a lot out of it. He talked a lot about pain and finding purpose in it among other things.
I realized the other day that if intense difficulty was to come to America and all my circumstances went 'south', I would be pissed if I hadn't fully taken advantage of or fully lived in the time of blessing and prosperity. So much time has been spent feeling like I'm not "doing enough" (simply translated--not doing something that is difficult or out of my comfort zone) or that I shouldn't be fully engaging in the beauty of life around me because its not hard. That is so stupid! I am not and will not live there.
I hear the question, what am I afraid of? And I think the answer is: that everything I'm currently doing and everything i will do won't be good enough. That it won't be enough. Enough for God to say, "Yes! You nailed it!"
But in all reality, that fear is never going to get me where I need or want to go. Only love can. Only knowing He has my back, is proud of me and believes in me will get me "there". And interestingly enough, "there" is right smack dab in the center of the process of hearing "I love you, Aaron. You are my favorite. You are my son and I'm so happy with you," and then stepping forward.
The nature of moving forward is continually arriving somewhere you've never been. Every now and again that somewhere introduces pain or difficulty. But you keep moving. And the joy in all of these somewheres is in fully embracing people and fully receiving His love.
One of my favorite chapters in A Million Miles is the one about scenes. Our life is made up of memorable scenes. And Don goes on to talk about some of his most memorable scenes.
What are some of my most memorable scenes? More specifically, what are some of the most memorable scenes that I intentionally stepped into?
When Ben, Matt and I snuck out of our cabin the last night of sr. high camp the summer after eighth grade, and stayed up til the sun rose. Then at sunrise we saw a group of guys standing around our cabin, probably up to no good. So we threw rocks onto the roof of the cabin from our spot in the woods, to wake up the campers still sleeping. Then the guys turned and came after us and we ran like hell.
When Mike, Dan, Luke and I left Redding at 7pm and drove all through the night to Phoenix for Christmas break. We made up "Would You Rather"s the entire way. We got to Phoenix around 10am having taken only a two hour break from the the WYR's. They were pretty killer
I got in the car with Daniel Newton, Victor Mercado and Mario Garza at 10pm and we drove to Canada through the night. Then took part in Kevin Dedmon's firestorm, spoke at Todd Bentley's school and ate dinner at the space needle in Seattle. Did I mention I emptied my bank account for this?
In Ceramics class, senior year, I started talking to a girl about Jesus and the people around the table started joining in on the discussion and asking me questions. Before I knew it, there was about ten students around my table including the teacher listening while I talked about living a life for God. Nuts.
I decided to do treasure hunts on Friday nights in 2nd year. One night I led a group of young guys on one. Me and one of the guys (probably about 16 years old) went looking for somebody to bless in Safeway. We approached a lady and I let the kid talk. "We were just looking for people to bless with the love of God." I felt a little awkward by that approach but whatev. "Is there anything you need prayer for?" And the woman broke down crying saying she was in financial trouble and had some family issues. She had stopped here on her way through town. So we prayed for her, blessed her and left. So rad.
I realized the other day that if intense difficulty was to come to America and all my circumstances went 'south', I would be pissed if I hadn't fully taken advantage of or fully lived in the time of blessing and prosperity. So much time has been spent feeling like I'm not "doing enough" (simply translated--not doing something that is difficult or out of my comfort zone) or that I shouldn't be fully engaging in the beauty of life around me because its not hard. That is so stupid! I am not and will not live there.
I hear the question, what am I afraid of? And I think the answer is: that everything I'm currently doing and everything i will do won't be good enough. That it won't be enough. Enough for God to say, "Yes! You nailed it!"
But in all reality, that fear is never going to get me where I need or want to go. Only love can. Only knowing He has my back, is proud of me and believes in me will get me "there". And interestingly enough, "there" is right smack dab in the center of the process of hearing "I love you, Aaron. You are my favorite. You are my son and I'm so happy with you," and then stepping forward.
The nature of moving forward is continually arriving somewhere you've never been. Every now and again that somewhere introduces pain or difficulty. But you keep moving. And the joy in all of these somewheres is in fully embracing people and fully receiving His love.
One of my favorite chapters in A Million Miles is the one about scenes. Our life is made up of memorable scenes. And Don goes on to talk about some of his most memorable scenes.
What are some of my most memorable scenes? More specifically, what are some of the most memorable scenes that I intentionally stepped into?
When Ben, Matt and I snuck out of our cabin the last night of sr. high camp the summer after eighth grade, and stayed up til the sun rose. Then at sunrise we saw a group of guys standing around our cabin, probably up to no good. So we threw rocks onto the roof of the cabin from our spot in the woods, to wake up the campers still sleeping. Then the guys turned and came after us and we ran like hell.
When Mike, Dan, Luke and I left Redding at 7pm and drove all through the night to Phoenix for Christmas break. We made up "Would You Rather"s the entire way. We got to Phoenix around 10am having taken only a two hour break from the the WYR's. They were pretty killer
I got in the car with Daniel Newton, Victor Mercado and Mario Garza at 10pm and we drove to Canada through the night. Then took part in Kevin Dedmon's firestorm, spoke at Todd Bentley's school and ate dinner at the space needle in Seattle. Did I mention I emptied my bank account for this?
In Ceramics class, senior year, I started talking to a girl about Jesus and the people around the table started joining in on the discussion and asking me questions. Before I knew it, there was about ten students around my table including the teacher listening while I talked about living a life for God. Nuts.
I decided to do treasure hunts on Friday nights in 2nd year. One night I led a group of young guys on one. Me and one of the guys (probably about 16 years old) went looking for somebody to bless in Safeway. We approached a lady and I let the kid talk. "We were just looking for people to bless with the love of God." I felt a little awkward by that approach but whatev. "Is there anything you need prayer for?" And the woman broke down crying saying she was in financial trouble and had some family issues. She had stopped here on her way through town. So we prayed for her, blessed her and left. So rad.
to be continued....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)